POLITICS: Paris for President

I just find it funny that Paris Hilton has a better grip on the energy crisis than John McCain.

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So I guess it's settled - Paris and Rihanna for President.

POLITICS: McCain Gets Slutty

In introducing his wife, McCain noted the ongoing beauty pageant at the event and said that he had "encouraged Cindy to compete. I told her, with a little luck, she could be the only person ever to serve as first lady and Miss Buffalo Chip."

Just wow. This was a direct quote from McCain while attending a biker rally in South Dakota. Little do people know that this Miss Buffalo Chip contest is topless...sometimes bottomless.

Classy. Talk about your conservative morals. Oh wait, I forgot, women don't have rights and are just here for their holes and apple pie. If I ever got a glimpse of that cum dumpster naked I would cry.

Take a look - she is eye fucking the shit out of you right now. I think Cindy is a stage name.

NEWS: Avoid that ETF

Stuck with one of those nasty termination fees from your cell phone? With some persistence and creative thinking, you can get rid of these fees...eventually.

POLITICS: New McCain Ad

So Britney Spears and Paris Hilton have reached fame for no reason? Apparently the McCain campaign hasn't heard the song "Lucky" or have seen the sex tape. Because if they did then they would know why these starlets are so famous - because they have talent. They can sing and fuck with the best of them.

In fact, I think Barack is the only guilty one here. No singing talent, no sex tape = loser. Personally, I would have chosen Tiger Woods and Oprah - two no talent assholes who have unfairly taken advantage of affirmative action and anti-slavery laws. Just another sign of desperation and stupidity by the conservative agenda.

NEWS: Piss Or Get Off the Pot

Kory McFarren pleaded no contest last month to a misdemeanor count of mistreatment of a dependent adult. Why? Apparenlty his live-in girlfriend refused to get off the toilet for over two years and had been sitting on the toilet for at least a month, resulting in the toilet seat actually adhering to sores on her ass.

Now I've spent my fair share of time on a toilet, whether it be from the latest issue of Maxim or a long night of Bud Light and Taco Bell. But this is hardcore.