POLITICS: Finally I Agree with O'Reilly

This is Bill O'Reilly's thoughts on taxes from the Washington Op-Ed -

"Yes, I am part of the 1 percent of Americans that paid an astounding 40 percent of all federal income tax in 2006. According to recently released Internal Revenue Service figures, about 50 percent of my fellow Americans paid no federal income tax at all that year. My fellow 1-percenters and I covered for them. But for some it is still not enough.

President Obama and a Democratic Congress will likely dole out entitlements like free health care, child care and cash payments to anyone who falls under a certain income level, no matter their circumstances. That means people who drink gin all day will get some of my hard-earned money. Folks who dropped out of school, who are too lazy to hold a job, who smoke reefers 24/7 all will get some goodies in the mail from Uncle Barack and Aunt Nancy, funded by me and other rich folks."

I don't want Bill O'Reilly to pay taxes. I want him to be dead. It's completely unfair to this country that people like him are not only alive but have a disturbing effect on the simple minds of American's.

And his "hard earned" money? Please. Without the all of the poor, stupid people in America tuning into FOX News, he wouldn't even have a job.

POLITICS: John "The Geek" McCain

Amidst his fundraising efforts in the San Francisco Bay area, McCain attacked his grandpa image, letting people know that he is more tech-savvy than people give him credit for. Right. He sounded like an expert though, I'll give him that:

• “I do understand the importance of the computer. I understand the importance of the blogs.”
• “But I am forcing myself … let me put it this way, I am using the computer more and more every day.”
• “I use a computer almost every day. I go on different web sites … ours and the various media.”

The best part about this story is that a local hacker recently retrieved McCain's internet history (via the Patriot Act). The boring stuff was his email and his homepage "hornydefinatelyunderagewhiteandonlywhitegirls.com."

The real kicker was in his outrageous Google searches:
- women, slaves, how to
- viagra
- legalize lynching petition
- diapers, veteran's discount

NEWS: Chalk One Up for the Gays

No riots. No fights. Just dancing sprites in the streets of MA as its house passed a bill to repeal the 1913 law that bars same sex couples from out of state to be married there.



"The bill cleared a final hurdle this afternoon, when the House of Representatives passed the bill on a roll call vote after about 45 minutes of debate. The vote was 118-35, with five members not voting.

The 1913 law prohibits out-of-state couples from marrying in Massachusetts if their marriage would be considered void in their home state, and it has prevented most same-sex couples from out of state from marrying in Massachusetts. LGBT advocates and their allies in the legislature have argued that the law was passed in 1913 in part to prevent interracial couples from skirting anti-miscegenation laws in their home states."

link

This is basically throwing one big semen log in the face of bible thumping conservatives...I love it. WWJD? Probably the guy with the biggest cock, then turn his cum into wine...at least that's what I got out of the Bible.

POLITICS: Stump the McCain

Ahhh...the dramatic effects of Alzheimer's Disease. Because of people like John McCain, birth control is borderline necessary.

For those of you a little fuzzy on McCain's stance on the important issues (aside from Viagra), here a comprehensive list:

Abortion - I'm a war hero
Civil rights - I'm a war hero
Education - I'm a war hero
Environment - I'm a war hero
Family - I'm a war hero
Gun Control - I'm a war hero
Health Care - I'm a war hero
Iraq - I'm a war hero
Seniors and Social Services - I'm a war hero

TECH: Pouring Aid for Invalids

Tired of lifting those heavy 2 liter bottles? Pour Thing to the rescue, solving the problem of pouring soda that has plagued millions this year alone. The best thing about it is that you can store it right in the fridge. Booyah.



Now before you go thinking this is the worst idea ever (besides a "jump to conclusions" mat), let me say this - a little known fact is that if you had to lift 100 two liter bottles of soda that would be 440lbs, or one Rosie O'Donnell. What person can do that?

POLITICS: We Report. You Decide.

I think Old School's Dean Pritchard (a.k.a. Cheese) sums it up best - "Half these guys don't even go here and that one guy is like ninety."

POLITICS: McCain Hates Children

McCain: My position is, it's not the reason why I'm running for president of the United States. And I think that two-parent families are best for America.

Basically, the interview sounded like this:

Q - So you are against gay marriage?
A - I am for two parent families.
Q - What about adoption?
A - I am for two parent families.
Q - Are you a gay senator?
A - I am for two parent families.
Q - Will you answer any question honestly?
A - I am for two parent families.
Q - How many times did you choke your wife?
A - I am for two parent families.
Q - Do you like Taco Bell?
A - I am for two parent families.

Welcome to McMath 101 where -
2 vaginas = 1 parent
2 penises = 1 parent

POLITICS: Shopping with McCain

I can just read his mind - take the fuckin applesauce I picked out you cunt.



"One's Dole and one's..." as he thinks about where mandarin oranges come from. The clip ends abruptly, right before McCain bends over and asks the workers why they don't have black people to clean up spills.

NEWS: Teen Sentenced 8 Years For Pot

Fort Worth, Texas - Demetris McCoy, 18, received 8 years in prison after a video surfaced showing McCoy giving pot to his 2 and 4 year old nephews. The best part of the video is when he asked them if they have the munchies.

Since when did helping children become a crime? The sad part is that nobody asked the children if they enjoyed it - I wish the law actually cared about a child's feelings.


Is it just me, or is this guy the best guy ever? How often does somebody offer to give you feelings of euphoria, a cigarette, and offer to feed you...for free?! This guy just shot up to the top of my babysitter list.

POLITICS: Obama Officially Cannot Be President!

Barack Obama does not give his children birthday presents, believing that his children should not be spoiled. Wow, this is the icing on the cake. This communist doesn't believe in anything American, e.g., inequality, ignorance, or giving expensive plastic shit to his kids.

I even heard that when the Obama children lose a tooth, the Tooth Fairy comes and beats them with a bag of nickels. I guess he expects them to earn everything...stupid. At least they will respect the value of the dollars being stuffed in their g-strings in a couple of years.

NEWS: McDonalds Loves the Gays

Here is another example of what is wrong with America - the Boycott McDonald's movement.



Here is a direct quote from their homepage - “It is about McDonald’s, as a corporation, refusing to remain neutral in the culture wars. McDonald’s has chosen not to remain neutral but to give the full weight of their corporation to promoting the homosexual agenda, including homosexual marriage.”

The icing on the cake is the comments section, and here are some of the winners:

• “Sorry but my morals outweigh my appetite. It is so sad I can’t enjoy this eatery anymore. Please consider the MORALS and FAITH of what made this country great.”
  
• “McDonalds - as long as you are supporting the gay agenda my family of 5 will eat somewhere else.”
  
• “I am VERY disappointed that McDonalds has decided to openly support gay activists and so called “gay marriage”. Our family has been regular customers of McD for 30 years, but we are no longer. When we travel this summer we will be looking elsewhere for food -there are many alternatives.True Christians don’t hate Gays, they only desire to have them acknowledge their sinful lifestyle and and accept Jesus’ forgiveness! We are ALL sinners in need of Jesus’ foregiveness.”
  
• “When I travel I look for a McDonalds for breakfast now I’ll go to Bojangles”
  
• “I am 73, my wife is 70 - As much as we have enoyed the golden archers over the years, we will not continue to do so because of your close minded leadership.”
  
• “My wife, my six children, and I will not be supporting McDonald’s. I do not agree with McDonald’s, as a company, using their financial resources to promote a political issue instead of making fast food. If McDonald’s has money to give… then give more to charity…or help fight the spread of AIDS in Africa, etc., use McDonald’s resources to make a positive impact. I sure am going to miss the Southwest Salad, I was addicted.”

• “It’s a sad thing when a company like McDonal’s cares more about supporting the gay life stle than Christian families. Well, they won’t get any more business from our family! From here to shining sea we won’t eat at another McDonalds!”
  
• “McDonald’s, You are suppose to be a family restaurant. I believe that it is inappropriate for you to speak for or against gay issues. Ronald should be neutral.”
  
• “Please read Genesis 19* God destroys Sodom and Gomorrah* Godly moral values has nothing to do with hate. This is about TRUTH. “The TRUTH will set you free”. GUARANTEED! Then please read 1st Timothy 1:9-11.”
  
• “I refuse to set foot in a McDonalds till they change their ways,my 7 grandkids said “we are going to Burger King “”
  McD’s, My family in which I grew up (yes, all 9 of us) loved your restaurant. In High School after the big game I couldn’t wait to get to McD’s. My family of 9, my wife and 7 children, will no longer go to your restaurant after your blatant disregard for what God says in His Word against the sinful lifestyle that you are choosing to promote. If you will reconsider, we may also. As for now, say goodbye to our business. Mike”
  
• “Gay rights? Gives a whole new meaning to “Happy Meal” doesn’t it? Now not only is McDonalds food bad for your health but it is bad for your morals too!!!! We won’t eat there again unless they change their policy.”
  
• “Have you read the bible? No more McDonald’s for me ever.”
  
• “I am informing all my children an gran children to Boycott Mcdonalds, that is a total of 22 people”
  

See, these are the types of people the death penalty was meant for. Unlike the rapists and the murderers of this world, these people have no chance to be saved. Now if you will excuse me I must get some McDonald's.

MEDIA: Classic

NEWS: Oddly Enough

- Man in Rhode Island was pulled over for drunk driving with a .491 bac, the highest ever recorded for a person who wasn't dead. One word comes to min - hero.



- Police in Arkansas say they found DNA evidence on a half-eaten candy bar helped them zero in on a robbery suspect. Any "man" who only eats half a candy bar should serve time.



- A 56-year-old German living in Paraguay is seeking to become the legal father of 1,000 foreign children so they can have German nationality, education and social benefits. Eat your heart out Shawn Kemp.

TECH: Power of the Tongue

Quadriplegcis have no fear - your tongue is here. A new wheelchair is currently being designed to be driven by your tongue. The reason? Humans have a direct connection between their tongue and brain, thus likely to remain functional even after the most sever accidents.




There is a small magnet attached to the tip of the tongue along with a headset equipped with a couple of three dimensional sensors. These sensors relay the tongues position and movements remotely to steering device that moves the wheelchair.

This is both a great idea for those elderly pornstars as well as a training device for young girls and gay guys. In fact, if had a couple little girls ages ten and under, this would definately be under the Christmas tree come this winter...their boyfriends will thank me later.

NEWS: Blog Back up and Running

We are back.